What are your Intentions, Really?

“Intentionality is key.”

When I listed this as one of the life lessons I’ve learned before I turned 27, I don’t think I truly realized how important this lesson really was.

Now that I’m almost 29 (OH MY GOSH, I’M ABOUT TO BE 29…….)


Sorry. Now that I’m almost 29, this statement basically dictates 89.9% of the things I do, what I say and how I interact with other people. It should determine 100% of why I spend the money I spend but that’s a whole other post.

This is one of my most important life lessons I learned because as I journeyed through my 20’s, I realized that the reason I did a lot of things, especially in relationships, was done with the wrong intention.

Now don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t always done intentionally.

I had all of these preconceived opinions in my head like:

  • if you tell them this, it’ll probably make them feel sorry for you and you can use it as an excuse later.
  • if you ignore that text message, he might call to make sure you’re okay and give you the attention you really want
  • if you make an overly dramatic face, they’ll know something’s up between you two and ask you later. Then you won’t have a choice BUT to tell them. You know you want to talk about it.

You understand?? LISTEN. There are more. They are worse.

I was a hot pickle. Though it sounds super manipulative when you read it now (lol), it wasn’t intended to be when it was in my head at 22 or 25. I was just lost – searching for my identity in the wrong things, crying out for help to anyone that would listen (but who couldn’t give me any escape from what I was battling in my own mind). My intentions were trash a lot of the time.

I’m the type of person who basically can’t function if things feel off. It’s more of a curse than a blessing. I was constantly looking for an excuse, a way out, anything to keep me from doing what I knew needed to be done. My intention – be lazy. Do your best only in things that interest you. Do the bare minimum. Find ways to make him “act right”. Find any way to not have to take responsibility for anything.

Eventually things begin to shift and I started seeing the light and error of my ways.

That’s why intentionality IS key. It makes you stop what you’re doing and take a better inventory of your inner self. Why are you saying it that way? Why are you calling him? Are you really just that busy, or are you stalling on calling that person back to prove a point? Are those tears genuine? Are you really angry at them or angry at yourself for allowing it to get this far?

Do you love yourself? Do you know your heart? ARE you a manipulative person?

When you question your intention, you question everything about yourself. And that’s the point. You are trying to become the best version of YOURself. Not someone else. When no one else is there, YOU have to live with you.

We go through life making bad decisions and handling situations in ways we don’t have to. However, when we take the time to evaluate what really matters to us and why we’re moving through life they way we do, real change can begin to happen. We’ll start making decisions we can be proud of. We can look ourselves in the mirror (do you know how long it was before I could do that longer that .5 seconds?)

For the next week, ask yourself what your intention really is. Before you send that text, respond back in a snarky way, reach out to that friend…when you get angry in a split second, stop and analyze what your intention is. Ask yourself “what’s the point, here?”

Watch it change your perspective of yourself for the better.

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